Beep boop 2. Got nothing to report.

Hellooooo…

So, im reporting in again. Nothing good happened the last few days. I read too much stuff again. I recently discovered that i stopped caring about the opinion of others a tiny little bit (but just a bit. I still take everyone way too seriously). I listen to music right now and im thinking about things. So, everything’s normal, right?^^

So let me link some good music for you:

You are welcome.

so i found that new online dating website…

Hi.

So, im trying out that new online dating website these days. I actually will pay like 30€ for the next 6 months to participate there. I dont know what i should think about that. I wrote with one person till now – she texted with me for like 2 days and then wrote me that the she doesnt believe that we would be compatible. I was baffled. After 2 days of online chatting? Seriously? She saw like 1 picture of me. It was propably my gaming hobby or something like that. I got seriously depressed because of that for quite a while. I mean like – fuck, please would you give me a chance to even try to make a impression before you turn me down?

3 bunnies, sitting in a house…

Just like the title is saying, i bought my 3rd bunny today. God damn i love those animals. I may be a guy, but i just cant get enough of those cute little fellows. And well, they all got a character too. Thats also the reason why the male one is actually scared of the young female one, sitting in a seperated area right next to him. I bet he didnt realize till now that it is actually a female. Oh well.

Storytime! So i texted with my ex last night…

Im tired. Im making my way through the days right now without a real goal. Im just doing things so that i did something. Well. Theres that. But still, had some interesting things happening to me recently.

Or atleast i guess they were interesting. A little example? Okay.

You see, i had a girlfriend back in summer. Im pretty sure i did a post about that back then. I thought i felt all fluffy inside and i really wanted to believe that i found someone that wants to share her time with me. Well the whole thing went downhill after 2 months. No worries though, it was a good thing. We basically never knew each other and tried to project some sort of properties on each other that we wanted the other person to have. But after the first month was done we both realized that this wasnt working for us. A total normal thing i guess. In the end she was a person that wanted to do a lot of things with other people and hated lonelyness and deep thoughts. As you guys might have noticed already if you read this blog for a while longer, im quite fond of being alone. I dont need a bunch of people around me at every point in time. Im actually that kind of person that likes to just sit around and imagine stuff or think about things for hours (It actually got “worse” with that afterwards – i had some sort of mental breakdown and things changed for me then. But thats a different story that i already told on one of my blogs). Point is, we were so different from each other that she couldnt accept it. And well, we broke up. For the last few months she and also me believed that we could still be normal friends (or something like that). Tbh, i never was fond of that but i actually thought i should try that this time. I stopped doing so yesterday. She asked me for some help with her IT problems. She rearely wrote me anyways. It was like she remembered my existence because no one else was capable to help her. And you know, for once in my life i said no. No, i didnt want to help her.

Screw her. Im not a IT support service that can be called after a few months if you need him. If you actually want my help at some point, try to let me know that you actually care without being in need of my skills.

But well, thats not exactly the reason why i actually did the things that followed after that. I wrote her after that that she should delete my number and that she should never write me again. Why did i do that? You know, she asked that aswell in a very unpolite way. I responded that i never knew her and she never knew me. Theres no reason to talk with strangers you dont want to have anything to do with.

As you can imagine, she didnt like that. Not one bit. She actually attacked me personally because of that. Called me a loner and that i should get back to being alone. She also wrote that she had enough of that and she isnt even wondering anymore.

Tbh, im not sure that i know what she was talking about. We wrote like 10 words in the last 8 months. Surely i was a dick there, but i dont know what she meant with she had enough of it and she wasnt even wondering about that anymore. Enough of what? Do i have to understand that? I mean like, not that i really care, but it seemed so out of place in this situation.

Well, anyways, i just wanted to get rid of that. I like the feeling of when i get rid of something that lies way back in my past. It wasnt the best way i guess, but it worked. I never had bad intentions there. Just stating the truth in a very direct way. In the end, another chapter in my life is finally closed.

Thats a good thing after all.

Im still here

Uhm. Hi.

How are you guys doing?

Im not going to write a whole lot right now. Theres not much happening over here these days. Im just sort of sitting here, thinking about things and actually having a good time while doing so. Atleast sometimes. Well, but since i was 2 lazy to blog in the last few weeks i actually thought i should write something again. Propably going to do more if i see the need to do so.

Im currently reading a few books though. Im not nearly finished with them, so it could take a while for me to write more often again. But oh well – the internet wont miss me, right?

fasnet

No, thats not an error. Fasnet is really a word.

Its called “Fasnacht” when you want to leave the dialect out of it. The dictionary tells me that its called shrove tuesday in english. I doubt that this is true.

Its currently happening right here in south germany. God i hate it. So many drunk people, weird clothes and spending money like a fuck fart. That must be fun. Not to mention the hours of standing around in the cold outside in a weird getup.

If you want to see pictures to that, well…

What about that one?

VSAN_TT_2014_So212

Im not going to post more of them. That one pic is from wikipedia, so it should be fine. Check out google for more of them.

If you actually wanna learn something about that tradition, i can cover that aswell.

The story i know is that its a really old tradition where we try to chase away the ghosts of winter and stuff like that. You know, so that the cold goes away and the spring and warm weather and all that stuff will come soon. Its going back to the time where old alemannic tribes lived where im living right now. That would be propably like… several hundred years ago? Idk.

If i would have to compare it i’d say its similar to halloween, just without the american way of doing things.

Btw, you can actually watch those in german tv these days. I guess its the tv station called “SWR” if you are interested in that.

Its too cold for sports. Definitely.

Hi.

So, i wasnt writing that many blog posts recently. I didnt feel like doing so.

But well, i bought a bike. And a i got a important message for all of you who are trying to do sports after you stopped doing so for years.

Dont ride your bike when its like 0°C  outside. It freaking hurts in your lungs. I thought i would collapse when i came home. I guess normally that wouldnt be a problem at all when you are used to moving around like that. But when you arent used to it…oh boy.

Rant about myself…

Hi.

So it took me like 9 days to post here again. Wow. I was active on my philosopher blog instead. I believe that the post there decreased in quality though. I usually just state my own thoughts. Im trying to be honest with that. My thoughts are normally not in english. Thats a huge problem with that.

Anyways, how are you guys doing? Im doing fine. A bit aimless, but fine. I kinda did try to improve myself over the last few days, but i dont really know where i should start. It seems to me like im in a bit of a big hole where i propably should get out of. Sad thing is, i just cant. Other things do amazing things in their lifes, and i…well… I mean, i just have to look at the other people at my working place. They’re really living their lifes. All of them are getting kids or are getting married. I dont know. I mean, im feeling out of place there. I dont have a girlfriend. Im a loner. I propably never will have kids since i hardly can get those without atleast a girlfriend. That implies that i never will get one of those either since in dont know how. That sounds rather pathetic, i know. Dont even try to give me tips or anything like that. I wont read them. I did that way too often in the past and nothing did really help. I appreciate the thought though.

And all of those guys try to achieve their dreams. I dont know, i did not have dreams for a long time. I still dont have any. I already achieved everything i really REALLY wanted. Im earning money and i can already buy what i always wanted. I got my own pets and im living at a nice place. The only things i still would like to have cant be bought.

That leaves me at a bit of loss there. I want to do something but i just cant find anything i should really do in my life. Except for becoming a father at some point, but well, just like i already wrote – i cant buy that, i know that well enough.  Im already at a point where i just accept those things. I used to be mad and sad about all that stuff. Right now i mostly just accept it. Thats propably why im such a bitter guy aswell. Id describe myself as disillusioned. Everything seems dark and cold.

That seems to so extremly gloomy, right? :> Well it doesnt feel like that. No honestly. It doesnt. Its just a feeling of acceptance. I also feel that i cant change the situation by mself, no matter what. It just seems to be like it would have to be that way. If that would be a romantic story or shit like that right now would be the point where someone would come in and pull me out of my hole. Wont happen though. The world isnt working like that these days. Especially since im a guy. And you know, i dont believe that i would accept help anyways. The only thing i actually need is a goal i really want to achieve. A goal that also seems possible to achieve for me (a family is not a possible thing for me in my mind). Im still searching for that though. Until then my days in the dark will continue.

Btw, i know of those “cindarella”-stories of those it-nerds that had luck and actually got to make their big dream of being a husband and getting kids come true. I dont believe in that. Im a negative person. There are no fairy tails with a happy ending.

FEELINGS-FEELINGS-EVERYWHERE

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 115 other followers