So just yesterday i just did what i always do here – i post another blog post and i wait for people to read it. I usually eagerly await the reaction to my content – usually in the form of likes. While i was checking those orange dots on my mobile phone i saw something that was kinda different. The following message was shown on my screen:
I was like ‘Whaaaat?’. 4 years? How did that happen?
Now, after a while of thinking back and remembering what i did with blogs in the last few months and so on i kinda got it all back together.
You see, i started blogging 4 years ago, this is no lie. I posted pretty regularly aswell, allthough my content was kinda… well, shitty. Wouldnt necessarily say that it is all that much better these days, but atleast im trying. But i was in a phase back then where i didnt want to commit to anything all that much. This also had to do with some pretty serious mental problems that surfaced during that time.
I was doing my masters degree back then and only had that one goal in mind – finish that degree. I knew that i had to get a job afterwards, but this wasnt really anything i was worked towards to. I just wanted this to be done with. While i was writing my masters thesis i already had panic attacks and stuff like that. I shook them off back then, ignoring them completely, only working towards my final goal. I never thought that this would came back to haunt me later. But this also explains why i didnt blog seriously. I just wanted to do something, because i was unconsciously searching for meaning in my life. But since i wasnt able to commit to anything at all it didnt stick and thus blogging back then didnt feel like anything meaningful. So i stopped blogging.
Through the years this cycle continued while i was battling myself with my panic attacks and my fear of death and life in general. I started and stopped, over and over again. Allthough i was able to recuperate from my personal problems after a while (atleast to the degree that i still maintain right now – i can enjoy some things again!) this blogging problem still continued. Only this year, in may, i started commiting to blogging seriously. I wanted to start something else besides gaming, work and caring for my girlfriend. I needed something in my life where i could write down my fantasies that i have pretty much all the time. Because this is something that i always had, a fantasy that was so alive, i sometimes catch myself running around in my appartment for hours, deep in thoughts about my fantasy worlds and stories, not noticing anything else.
And so i got to those 4 years. And these days is propably one of the most active times that i ever had on here. And i want to continue to do just that – posting, writing things, providing you with stories that may be great or totally suck ass.
I got to thank you all too for your continued likes and views. Even though i dont want to write for others, i really enjoy it if someone shows me that they like what i do here.
With that, good day to all of you fine people out there!