Posted in Blogging

Wait what, 4 years?!

So just yesterday i just did what i always do here – i post another blog post and i wait for people to read it. I usually eagerly await the reaction to my content – usually in the form of likes. While i was checking those orange dots on my mobile phone i saw something that was kinda different. The following message was shown on my screen:

Unbenannt

I was like ‘Whaaaat?’. 4 years? How did that happen?

Now, after a while of thinking back and remembering what i did with blogs in the last few months and so on i kinda got it all back together.

You see, i started blogging 4 years ago, this is no lie. I posted pretty regularly aswell, allthough my content was kinda… well, shitty. Wouldnt necessarily say that it is all that much better these days, but atleast im trying. But i was in a phase back then where i didnt want to commit to anything all that much. This also had to do with some pretty serious mental problems that surfaced during that time.

I was doing my masters degree back then and only had that one goal in mind – finish that degree. I knew that i had to get a job afterwards, but this wasnt really anything i was worked towards to. I just wanted this to be done with. While i was writing my masters thesis i already had panic attacks and stuff like that. I shook them off back then, ignoring them completely, only working towards my final goal. I never thought that this would came back to haunt me later. But this also explains why i didnt blog seriously. I just wanted to do something, because i was unconsciously searching for meaning in my life. But since i wasnt able to commit to anything at all it didnt stick and thus blogging back then didnt feel like anything meaningful. So i stopped blogging.

Through the years this cycle continued while i was battling myself with my panic attacks and my fear of death and life in general. I started and stopped, over and over again. Allthough i was able to recuperate from my personal problems after a while (atleast to the degree that i still maintain right now – i can enjoy some things again!) this blogging problem still continued. Only this year, in may, i started commiting to blogging seriously. I wanted to start something else besides gaming, work and caring for my girlfriend. I needed something in my life where i could write down my fantasies that i have pretty much all the time. Because this is something that i always had, a fantasy that was so alive, i sometimes catch myself running around in my appartment for hours, deep in thoughts about my fantasy worlds and stories, not noticing anything else.

And so i got to those 4 years. And these days is propably one of the most active times that i ever had on here. And i want to continue to do just that – posting, writing things, providing you with stories that may be great or totally suck ass.

I got to thank you all too for your continued likes and views. Even though i dont want to write for others, i really enjoy it if someone shows me that they like what i do here.

With that, good day to all of you fine people out there!

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Posted in Blogging

Fiction: spirals

Spirals are what my life are these days. Every day is another one. The same things happen every day and cause the same effect. Wouldnt that be a circle you might ask here. 

Now then, what makes the difference between circles and spirals? A circle means that it’s always exactly the same. A spiral though, as vicious as it might seem my friends, will remember what was and stack new things on top of the old. And thus, by definition, a spiral is the evil twin of a circle that will torture you with the same over and over again, but always with odds that are just a bit worse then before.

Posted in Blogging

Political failures

So, this time lets talk politics. Again. I did this a while ago and i usually try to avoid topics like those (or others like religions) because everyone out there got a different take on it. Everyone thinks something else about e.g. certain politicians or how they should do things. But recently something happened over here that made me write this post right now.

They failed.

Doesnt really sound like anything new, right? Politicians fail to do stuff all the time. They promise a lot and very often dont deliver. They fail to do good politics and they also often fail to reach that what they should reach so that the world wont go to shit sooner or later. But this time, man… its on a whole other level.

See, in germany they were elections a while ago. Everyone was scared of the right extremist party to gain ground and all that stuff. So people gave their votes and sure, they gained some ground, but not all that much. A warning shot in my opinion, but you could still turn that around by doing something good in the period you were elected for and through that gain the trust of your people back. But nope, that isnt happening. Its the total opposite.

Three different parties tried to create a coalition over here that could govern our country. The CDU (and with that the CSU, the bavarian sister of the CDU), the FDP and the green party. They talked for weeks and weeks and tried to come together in various points that are important these days. Immigrants, Environmental protection, electricity made out of coal, various other stuff. And then last week the FDP announced that they dont want to continue. They were done and dont want to create said coalition. And with that they failed horribly. There are like no really good options left.

They could recreate the former government coalition of CDU/CSU and SPD. No one wants that though. People obviously voted against that at the election and everyone knows that. People would loose so much trust in all parties that are currently involved in politics. If they are actually a part of said coalition or not.

Then theres the option of a minority government. Something that never happened before on a national level. People are surprisingly open to that everywhere around and i personally believe that this wouldnt be the worst option out there. But people are also scared that this could mean that germany as a whole would appear weak to other countries out there. Not that we appear strong right now, but even weaker then right now.

And then theres like one more try to create the coalition of CDU/CSU, FDP and the green party. Although the FDP already said that they wont participate in any further talks.

And thus it seems right now as that the previous coalition of CDU/CSU and SPD will propably be continued. Like i wrote, no one wants that and it will propably mean a few things with high certainity:

  • The SPD will be done afterwards. That is pretty much guaranteed. They lost so much with the former coalition with the CDU/CSU, its hard to imagine that they would gain anything this time around.
  • The german government would be at a standstill – they didnt do anything the last few years in the same constellation, so why would they start now? After all, Chancelor Merkel would still be in charge aswell. Same people, same parties. No changes.
  • The extremist parties, especially those from the right wing, will get so much stronger. They will gain more ground doesnt matter which option will be chosen, i got no doubts about that. But this one will sky-rocket them to the top. They will gain like 20%+ at the next elections if nothing really world-changing will happen until then.

So, its all going to shit it seems. Politics over here usually make fun of other certain presidents out there with blond hair that are prone to twitter usage, but they are no different. They dont use twitter all that much, sure, but they fail just as much. The future looks bad all the same.

Posted in Blogging

Violet cauliflower and green cheese

I saw those 2 things in a supermarket when i was on one of my journeys to my girlfriend a while ago. I thought to myself ‘that stuff is weird. Why would anyone every buy that?’.

Because lets be honest to ourselves, this stuff looks artificial if you arent used to it.

So i searched the web a bit and found like a few kinds of cheese that could be green. You can always color them these days, surely, but putting that aside – theres one type of cheese that is cheese by the kind of way it is made. Its called Schabziger. Its from Switzerland and it got a light dark green color (its not the one from my image above, thats just a random image from google). It gets its color from clover that gets mixed into it before the cheese gets pressed into form.

 

For the violet/purple cauliflower, theres that explanaition out there for it:

Purple cauliflower is a cool-season biennial cruciferous vegetable, botanical name Brassica oleracea var. botrytis, belonging to the plant order Capparales. Purple cauliflower’s color is due to the presence of the antioxidant anthocyanin, which can also be found in red cabbage and red wine.

(http://www.specialtyproduce.com/produce/Purple_Cauliflower_1122.php)

So its a type of cauliflower that grows like that by nature. Its from the autumn/ winter season, so that is also where the color is coming from.

Strange what kind of things exist these days, huh? I get to see lots of advertised products from many producers out there since im looking at hundreds of advertisment images everyday for work, but that kind of stuff is still pretty rare.

Posted in Blogging

Flash fiction: Get out!

He sat quietly in a room. Too long he took everything she said for granted. He admitted that he was naive to himself, he knew that. He believed her when she said that everything would work out. That everything should be fine if he would just calm down and trust her. If he would just change to that what she thought to be right.

But now he realized how wrong he was. His trust, misplaced, broken to pieces, shattered onto the ground.

With a grim face he picked up an empty bag and left the room. While he was walking out there to the appartment door she saw him and asked him where he thought he was going at this time. It was night after all. He looked to her without any expression on his face and answered her like he never did before:

“Im done.”

After that he went out of the door. Nothing was to be heard from behind him. The door of the appartment slowly closed itself as he was walking through the night, looking for a future that would provide him with more then he had up to this point.

Posted in Blogging

Flash fiction: Marsh

They were marshing towards the buildings of the state. Armed with pitchforks and torches they were prepared to let their anger let loose on those that made them suffer. It didnt matter where they were from, it didnt matter what color their skin had. United they were in their goal to bring their own kind of justice to those that were mocking them from the rooftops  of their luxurous appartments and villas. At first they were still laughing, making fun of those others down there that stood in against the current system. But as their numbers grew their fear grew aswell. The masses grouped up and paved their way. The mocking ones tried to flee – but their plane pilots didnt fly and their drivers wouldnt drive of. Justice was what they deserve and no one would be able to rescue them from their fate, as cruel as that may be. And thus the darkness engulfed humanity. No traces of light were left on that day. A day that voiced the opinions of the weak and at the same time empowered the remaining rich people even more.

Posted in Blogging

The art of calming down

This will propably be just one of many post talking about calming down and my thought about it. Its a difficult process and many words can be written about it. Ill start with this post! It was written on a Sunday btw – might not get posted on a Sunday, dont get irritated by that!

We hurry through our days these days like we never did before in known human times. Stronger, faster, farther. More. We always need more of everything to be satisfied. I notice that myself a lot too. A personal experience that we all might share.

Example? Sure. Right now Im sitting here on a Sunday afternoon, just writting some words on a piece of paper (Yep, I actually started to write on paper again. Just feels so much more relaxing to just sit down somewhere without any electronics) and while doing so Im listeneing to some sort of Lets Play on Youtube (that sort of thing where someone else is playing a game and im just watching). I feel how this is actually not really all that much of a good combo, but jut writting seems like it isnt enough for me right now. I want to do more in a shorter frame of time. I always believe that there is some room left to squeeze some more stuff into it to do.

My example here is still harmless, but others out there are just runnig around, doing something without any breaks. Just non stop action 24/7 all year long. I dont believe that this can be healthy over time. Even if some of those things that you are doing are fun, they still create stress to some sort of degree. And at one point or another we all need time to get rid of that stress while we just calm down and stop pressuring ourselves, so that we can make ourselves free of the pressure of time and urgancy. Helps a lot to do so to get your head back to the things that really matter.

Mood swings 2 – the return of weirdness

Dear Diary,

today I fucked up. The end.

Na, Im just kidding. But since today I got that weird feeling again. I was good for a while you know. I had a constant and stable feeling of being happy inside of me. But right now Im not so sure. Weird mood swings again doing their work.


But to complete this statement, in general Im in a rather good mood these days. The feelings that clouded my happiness are kinda gone again for now a few days after I wrote the first block of text at the beginning of this post. Mood swings are always a problem, no doubts there, but I believe I have a bit of an handle on that these days. Im not really sure how I did that, but I feel Im in control of myself a bit better.