Driving around like a mad man

The things we do for love, right? It was a worthwhile effort though. We drove to Erfurt today to get an apartment for my girlfriend. First visit aaand hit. The drive there was really exhaustive though  6 hours in a car aren’t exactly amazing. I’m beat. Would do it again – wouldn’t want to miss the time that I got to spend with my girlfriend here!

Blog writing challenge day 20: Put your music player on shuffle…

Thats a long one, so let me post the full challenge for today before i get started:

Put your music player on shuffle and write the first 3 songs that play and what your initial thought is

Alright, lets do this!

  • Game of Thrones Season Main Title Music

Hah! My first thought to that is ‘this music is fucking awesome!’. I really love epic music that makes me fantasize about foreign worlds with magic, unknown stories, swords, shields and all those other things that are not known that much to us these days (e.g. swords and shields may have been common in the middle ages, but they are not common now).

  • Daughter of the Flame by Audiopizza

The first picture that i had in mind here was flames. Small flames that are becoming large as the song goes on. I personally find this one to be really motivational. It makes me want to do things with a smug smile on my face.

  • Relentless by Mice & Men

I added this one to my playlist because i heard it as a theme song for a wrestling event (NXT TakeOver Brooklyn 2 if anyone here cares about that). Its a harsh song and it just seemed so right to me. Especially for wrestling. So my first thought on this one was pretty much ‘this is a really good song for a wrestling event’.

Blog writing challenge day 19: Five fears that you have

Since i really like buddhism fears are a central part of my thoughts anyways. I like to think about what i fear and why i fear it a lot. And in the end this boils down to a fear central fears.

  • I fear death.

I really do. This may be normal for us human mortal beings, or atleast for most of us, but i tend to fear it a lot more then others. I had panic attacks in the past and even though i dont have them as often these days i still know the feeling i have when the attacks happen. I want to run, but i can. I want to scream, but my body wont do it. I feel the fear of what could happen next (or what could NOT happen) and i loose my mind. I cant think clearly anymore. I just want to get away. Propably similar to a hunted animal. This kind of fear is the cause of a lot of problems for me – im affected by it geatly. It also changed me to the person i am today. I also face this fear everytime i read the newspaper or when i watch something. Death is a permanent companion in our lifes. Quite honestly, i feel really uncomfortable writing about it right now, so im going to stop. Next fear.

  • I fear wasps, bees, etc.

I hate those shitters. I mean, wasps and all of those evil creatures are just there to fuck around with people. Thats atleast what i believe. Bees, alright, i actually kinda like those – as long as they dont fucking fly around my head. I stop to think when those bugs are around me. I just wave around my hands like a weird kind of dancer. Ugh.

  • I fear loneliness

Oh its true. I wanted to go to something more cheerful to write about after my first fear, but fuck it. I fear being alone. I was alone for a reaaaaaaaaaally long time in my life. Years. Im not alone anymore right now. I want to keep it that way and i would do nearly everything to do that. Its not as easy though. Since im also a social idiot im really bad at creating new bonds. I just dont know how. So this makes all of that much harder. Its easy for others, sure – but it is not for me.

  • I fear war

Thats a generic one, huh? But it is true. War is propably the worst thing in the world, right next to various illnesses like cancer. Fuck cancer btw. War is never enjoyable and causes a lot of pain and sorrow for too many beings out there. Its not only humans, its all living things. Hopefully the current conflicts (Hellooo Mr. Trump, could you please chill the fuck out) wont escalate.

  • I fear judgment

Im not talking about divine judgment here. Its more like judgment in general. Its silly, but i really dont want to be judged. It bugs me. I try to avoid being judged as much as possible. I sometimes unconsciously try to get around it by any means. Judging is part of life though. I know that fully well. Still dont like it 😦

Thats enough fears for today. Feels really good though to talk about things like that from time to time.

Blog writing challenge day 18: Your favorite color and why

I really like the color red. Red seems so energized to me. I like it when theres a lot of energy in something or someone. Energy means life. Just like fire btw, which is also red (atleast sometimes…).

Im really not sure if i can even explain that any further. It just is what it is i guess. Ah, blood is also red. Another reason to think of life when you see the color red – blood is a very important part of our body. Without it we could live.

I never really was about favorite colors or people or anything like that. I tend to like things like the color red, yep, but it is not that important to me. I just like it and thats what it is. I dont need red stuff in my appartment or some funny stuff like that. Im not sure why others do. E.g. there are people out there that like the color pink and because of that they got a mostly pink appartment. Why? Why would you do that? That looks horrible. It really does. Create some sort of color contrast if you really have to focus on one color.

But well, yeah. Thats what i got to write to that one. You may have noticed that this is getting kinda weird for me to answer sometimes. I never really thought about some of those things and i dont want to start now. But i really want to finish this challenge and succeed with it, so bear with me for a while longer!

How i want to do things in the next few days

As the title says, i want to write a sentence or two how i want to blog in the next few days. Im still doing my blog writing challenge and i want to finish it. Im done with the larger part of it and yeah, its been fun until now. There are a few weird things to write about in there, but ill try my best to write some interesting stuff to everything. I kinda failed with the favorite color one (or i will fail with it, i guess i didnt post it until now, huh. I already wrote it though, so expect a shit show from me for that day 😀 ), but except for that i did fine i guess.

Anyways, i sometimes write a second blog post so that i break out of my challenge thing. There are other things happening in this world and sometimes i feel the urge to write about it. Until im done with the challenge i propably wont do that – i really want to concentrate on finishing this. I also believe that one post each day is a good rythm, although if i see the need alter on after the challenge to post more i will absolutely do so. Just a little notice on the side, expect me to finish the writing challenge 🙂 Ill continue with some different stuff after that. I got a few ideas.

I also continued to day with my story. The title for it (atleast for now) is ‘How to be a hero’. For now it got nothing to do with heros – im still busy with descring the history of the world i want to start with. It takes a while to create an environment where a story can play in. I will do some more stuff around the story soon. If you want to check out my current story posts look over here: https://storiesandstuff2017.wordpress.com/

So, i just wanted to keep you folks updated on my current plans. Happy day to all of you out there!

Blog writing challenge day 16: Bullet your entire day

Oh my day isnt all that awesome. Its a rather average one. I also usually dont do all that much either. But here we goooo.

Well, i usually get up at like 6:30 in the morning. I have to so that i can get to work. After that i spent like 10 minutes to take care of my pets and just wake up. Im fast when it comes to that, but even I need a few minutes to actually do that. After that i drive to work for like 30 minutes. And then i work until 5 pm. I usually have a break at like 12:00 at afternoon. Just the usual 30 minutes where i eat and chill a bit with my smartphone. Nothing too serious.

So, after that work i get home. Nothing fancy. I eat again, i take a shower and after that i sit on my computer and write or play games. Or i watch stuff, like right now while i write this. I just started the netflix series the killjoys. Not sure what to expect here – i just know that its some cool sci-fi stuff. My girlfriend actually told me that i could like it. Looking forward to it.

Soo, after that i go to sleep.

Like i said, nothing extraordinary. But thats my day i guess. Im just a average human being after all 🙂

Blog writing challenge day 15: Three pet peeves

Oh i got a few of those, this shouldne be a problem.

First one that already-

aaand it didnt save last time i wrote this. Fucking hell. This was like 2 weeks ago too. I dont even remember what i wrote back then 😦 Oh hell, here i go again then. Pet peeves are always there, its not like i wouldnt be able to remember.

So, first pet peeve: I tend to be over cautious of closing doors or checking that all windows are closed and stuff like that. I check like 3-4 times sometimes. When im im thought this is even worse. Im not really sure why i do it (maybe i dont trust my own eyes? 😀 ) but its really annoying for others. And myself too of course. It isnt all that bad these days and im trying to get rid of this pet peeve, but things are never as easy as that.

So, second pet peeve: I dont like events that are totally unplanned. I like it when theres some sort of plan out there. Dont get me wrong, i dont have anything against impromptu stuff. Not really. I do things impulsively myself a lot. But if theres some sort of large event, like a music festival i want to go to or some sort of party or family meeting i want to have some sort of plan. What i want to do there, when i go there, when i leave. I usually also think of some sort of escape plan beforehand. This can be really annoying for others that go to those events with me.

Third and last pet peeve: I dont like large groups of people. I can live with them, but i dont want to be in such a group if i can get around it somehow. Why is that? Well, when theres a lot of people then there is a lot of noise. I usually like quiet places where i can decide for myself if there should be noise. Additionally to that when there are tons of people everyone wants to talk. Im not good at small talk. And just standing there, noding, smiling – meh. Its boring to me. So i usually just want to not get in those kind of situations at all.

Blog writing challenge day 14: Your life in 7 years

My life in general is a really flexible thing these days. I never thought that it would be like that and im not really all that uncomfortable with it, but let grandpa here tell you the story of his life. Atleast parts of it.

Im actually – or rather, i was – a person that liked constant things. I never wanted things to change like a year or two ago. Change seemed so difficult and annoying. I was kinda fine with were i was and i thought i could just add things like a girlfriend and friends to my life just like that and nothing else would change. But i lived like a loner – and if you live like that you cant just put things like other people in your life without change. It took me a while to realize that. If it got even just a little bit serious in any kind of relationship to other people, may it be friendship or even with girls on a romantic level, i was running away at some point. Because i thought this wouldnt work. And honestly, it wouldnt have worked. Never.

Why? Because i actually never wanted to change my own life. And like i wrote above, this cant work if you are a loner and also live like that. So this time i changed when i met the girl that is now my girlfriend. I believe today that she had a really huge part in my change that i had until now. She made me realize that i need to change to keep her. And i kinda did. I still do. This is an ongoing process. And i believe that this change was neccessary anyways. I wouldnt have survived for years to come in the state i was back then (and i still am in right now).

Why?² Because you actually need social interaction to survive. Humans work like that.

But i went off topic.My life in 7 years. I hope for a cool appartment in a nice area were i live together with my girlfriend. I also would like a steady and enganging job. I also really like kids and wouldnt be against having one or two myself. This is not a choice i can do alone though. Naturally. I cant decide alone anymore how my future should look like. And i dont want to anymore. But i can say what i would like to happen – after that the people close to me and myself will discuss what will actually happen. Thats how it is supposed to be, right? 🙂