Posted in Random stuff

Drawings – girl in a dress

I only noticed after I was done that those feet are a bit too small. Oh well. Whatever I guess. I’m not good with bodies yet. May be practicing those a bit in the future.

Posted in Random stuff

Drawings – boy and girl

Just a boy and a girl next to a pipe. I’m just putting it out there, there isn’t really any story behind this. I actually liked the eyes quite a bit, although they seem a bit weird if I look at them now.

Posted in Random stuff

WordPress as a CMS, Wooo!

So at one point i did a website all by mself. No CMS, nothing. Just pure php and html code. Its not really up to date these days. But guess what? Blogging on wordpress got its advantages – wordpress is actually pretty good to create a website that constantly changes its contents.

Woo! Will propably blog about this a bit more as i progress along with filling the site with stuff.

Posted in Blogging, Random stuff

Other people and me

You see, im a bit uncertain these days.

I fucked up all my possible relationships with all kinds of girls recently and there dont seem to be any opportunities like that for me out there in the near future. You see, im a person that hates being lonely.

Thats quite weird, isnt it? I mean, i often seek loneliness for some odd reason that i dont know. I feel strange when im around people. Im not really happy then. I feel better when im alone somewhere, but theres still something missing then. Id like to be with people while i actually want the opposite at the same time aswell. Thats not logically possible. I dont know what to make out of that feeling.

Additional to that, it feels like im not going anywhere recently when it comes to potential friends or potential girlfriends. I kinda feel stuck. Somtimes that doesnt bother me, sometimes i feel really concerned about it. I mean, im smart enough to know that i can not always just do everything alone. There will be a time where i need to rely on people that are close to me. Before i can do that though i actually need people that are close to me. Logical, isnt it? Thats not as easy for me as it is for others.

I recently felt like i slowly changed my mind to various things and im on my way to being a more friendly human being towards others. Thats a long process though, and im still really fucking uncertain about it. Is this really helpful? Isnt being a dick the way to go if you want to achieve something in this world?

I thought that way for the last few years. Look where it got me. I got a good job, sure, but that doesnt make me happy at all. But that depends on your life goals, right? For the longest time i had no goals at all, so i just adapted to a rather hostile and pessimistic environment and became like that myself. As i wrote, im on my way to change that (atleast i think i am).

Im wondering if that will be enough to change my future when it comes to other people. Im also wondering if that is even important at all. Who knows, right?

Posted in Blogging, Random stuff

Im not a good youtuber

And i will never be. Seriously though, i suck hard at that stuff. It all sounds good and funny to me while im playing and doing stuff and everything, but when im listening to it afterwards… good god. Its just horrible. If i were to listen to a 15 minute-long video of me talking about shit i’d go nuts. I propably should stick to other things. Maybe writing? Not sure though.

I may have written about this before (like, many months ago or something), but im still not sure what im supposed to do with my free time. I could do a lot of things, but its up to me willing to invest time in anything.

But i guess i can kinda scrap youtube as an idea. Im no good as a person that wants to speak to others to entertain them. Just because you like to play games doesnt mean that you are any good at entertaining people.

Well, whatever. So thats what i did these days. How are you guys doing?

Posted in Blogging, Random stuff

Beep boop 2. Got nothing to report.


So, im reporting in again. Nothing good happened the last few days. I read too much stuff again. I recently discovered that i stopped caring about the opinion of others a tiny little bit (but just a bit. I still take everyone way too seriously). I listen to music right now and im thinking about things. So, everything’s normal, right?^^

So let me link some good music for you:

You are welcome.

Posted in Blogging, Random stuff

so i found that new online dating website…


So, im trying out that new online dating website these days. I actually will pay like 30€ for the next 6 months to participate there. I dont know what i should think about that. I wrote with one person till now – she texted with me for like 2 days and then wrote me that the she doesnt believe that we would be compatible. I was baffled. After 2 days of online chatting? Seriously? She saw like 1 picture of me. It was propably my gaming hobby or something like that. I got seriously depressed because of that for quite a while. I mean like – fuck, please would you give me a chance to even try to make a impression before you turn me down?