im back. Well, nearly. Im still on vacation, but im going to start writing in this blog again. Got the feeling that the internet needs me and my unique view of the world. And well, since im living in my own appartment now (with my own bath, wohoo!) i can write you all the stuffs whenever i want. Alteast when im not playing Archeage, which is kinda like a drug for me these days. If you dont know that game, look it up! Its a amazing game that got ported to the west from korea. Its kinda crowded these days, but it got a lot of great features that make it worthwhile playing.
Anyways, im still thinking about a lot of stuff despite that. But you know what? Im not going to write about that. Why? Because there are no answers for a lot of these things. You can stack up all the knowledge in the world about that stuff, you wont find any solid answer that explains it all. Also, you might think about it too. Lastly, i dont have the knowledge to explain the background information for a lot of these theories out there that try to explain the world. Other people can do that better than me. So, i wont. Instead im going to write like a numb nut about silly things that might or might not happened to me. Just like i did till now. It doesnt matter how things work for now; lets have some fun :D
Aaaand now im going to cook something to eat.
Sorry for not posting for a few days, im on vacation right now. Or something like that – i mean, im at home, but im doing various things. I recently found a strong interested in physics, philosophy and biology, which is totally weird to me, but well.And im still pondering about the big questions in life. Especially stuff that involves life after death seems kinda interesting to me. A lot of people got a lot of opinions on this topic and if you want to get some decent information out of all that stuff you need to filter everything. And you propably shouldnt believe in any radical people. ITs totally legit to be a radical materialist or a religious person. Its also fine to believe in the quantum mind or bio-centrism or stuff like that. The important thing is: Never ever say that the stuff that you are believing in is the only thing that is possible. Because it isnt. Keep your mind open to everything and stay sceptical. We humans dont know so much stuff, i doubt that we can say what is right and what is wrong. Plus we dont see everything that is going on in this world. Even modern science cant explain everything (even though a surprisingly large number of people out there think so. Thats a thing that is associated with the current society out there. Many people think that humanity solved every mystery there ever was. That is not true though.).
Conclusion: Never stop asking questions. And dont even think that the knowledge you have right now is final. The only thing that we propably know for sure is that we dont know everything.
Is there anyone out there that reads my stuff that actually tried to get into youtube? Im not talking about viewing stuff from other people. I mean like actually producing your own videos. I already tried that too, but i guess you need to pick some sort of category of videos you wanna do, right? I actually wanna do some sort of lets play’s, but i dont know. There are tons of lets Play-guys out there. You propably need to deliver something really good to get people to watch you.
I dont know if im actually entertaining or something, so i propably just give it a try again and see where it’s taking me. I got a lot of old games that i wanna play again anyways. Plus there are tons of new games coming. I’ll propably write a new post here with my newest results of that. It’ll propably suck donkeydicks, but you dont know that until you tried, right?
Btw, feeling a lot better today. I really felt terrible yesterday. Like, totally terrible. Cant really describe it. It’s like i was totally depressed because of life itself. At some point you got to realize that life itself is a huge burden for one human. You come fom nothing, you propably go to nothing too. Im just not fond of that thought. It could also be totally different with afterlife and everything. There is no one out there who knows for sure. It just paralizes my thoughts sometimes. Im kinda trying to recover from that these days, but its hard to recover from something that actually cant be solved. There’s always some sort of concern inside of me.
In any case, i wont write about that again. It wont do me any good to do so. I’ll propably just get sick or something from that. Instead of that i’ll try my best to live a life i really like. So, ladies, i need a girlfriend to do that. Anyone interested? :D
Feeling good today. Just sent my new computer back because its broken already. Good times. Still questioning life. My cat is sleeping on my bed. Need to pack up my stuff to move out to my new appartment.
Idk, im totally gonna spend the whole day playing games i guess. I found some older ones like hellgate london and guild wars 1 or the secret world. Propably gonna get some of that stuff running. Lets see.
Well, hello there.
I recently had a lot of problems motivating myself for all kinds of things. Like, eating. Sleeping. I dont know, it all seems meaningless if you are a big fat hairy nerd that is scared of every shit that exists out there. So i thought about solutions for this. I could stop thinking about things. Can i do that? No. If i could control that i would not have to think about it. Uah.
So, what to do instead? I thought about it long and hard and i actually found something that might help from time to time. Everytime i wanna get serious about things (and im not at work and im not somewhere where people that care are around me) im going to put on my motivation hat. After i did so im going to try to do the best i can at whatever i need to do at that moment. And im going to have fun while doing so. I also wont think about anything at all while wearing that fine piece of clothing too. Aint that amazing, huh?
Cant imagine how that thing could look like? Well, its kinda… unexpected.
To be honest, i normally wanted a different one, but i cant use that right now because of various reasons. Because of that this one is my replacement motivation hat. I’ll post the original one when it is ready for usage.
You should try that too. And if it doesnt work, hell you gotta look at the bright side. You are looking ridiculous as fuck, everyone will have fun while looking at you. Thats a good thing too, isnt it? (:
That title is telling the story of my day till now. I felt horrible the whole day. I shouldnt have felt like that because i bought a new pc. A new pc is normally something like christmas and eastern together for me. Its a huge event.
Sadly, it didnt all go as planned. First i had cable problems. DVI, HDMI, VGA. Well, whatever. I did notice that i actually need a dvi cable. I also did notice that i dont own that type of cable. I felt screwed, but i accepted it. I went out and bought one. Thats something like a 1 hour trip for me to do so. While doing so i also bought a monitor to actually use that cable too. All my monitors that i owned before that cant connect to that one. Btw, my new computer only allows dvi, so thats why i was doing all that stuff.
After that i finally saw a moving picture on my brand new display thingy. But well, i noticed after like 2 hours of trying that the graphic card wasnt working. What to do about that? Well, i worked a bit on the drivers. No changes. I did all the software shit that i know. Nope, nothing. Thats why im sending it back to the seller i guess. Hopefully they can fix that problem or send me a new pc instead of that one. Otherwise im seriously going to fuck shit up. Like, fuck.
Btw, i did write about some sort of girl that a friend of mine wanted to pair me with. Well, he texted me today with the message that im not her type. Well fuck dude. Guess im not attractive and i will be forever alone. Plus my feelings that tell me that im FUCKING SCARED OF LIFE are stronger than ever today. I dont know. Im sad, not angry. Sorry, no cheery pictures today. I’ll try to be happier tomorrow, i swear.
So i just finished moving back to my home town for now. Im going to live there for a few days until all the furniture in my new appartment is ready. Boy what a trip.
I mean like, the highways in germany these days. Like, seriously. It’s vacation time over here and everyone and his grandma is going somewhere to chill out or do stuff. The streets cant take this. Really, they cant. I was in several traffic jams and i actually melted like four times in my car while waiting for those to clear up. Well, to do so you usually go to some sort of motorway station, am i right? To fucking bad those were crowded too. I dont know where all those people are coming from, but boy dont rest where i wanna rest. I couldnt get a parking slot on several stations too. A parking slot. I mean, the fuck?
Oh btw, while i wrote this right now (and thats pretty much also the reason why i lost the plot…) a friend of mine called me and asked me if i want to have a relationship that is solely based on fucking each other with a girl that is dumb and shallow on the inside. I mean like, wow dude. I did not know what to say to that. I tend to say yes, but im normally not that kind of guy that is just out there to fuck girls. Especially because im a fucking nerd and no one would do that kinda stuff with a guy like me. So i guess i’ll say no. But i dont know for sure. So…ehm… guess i’ll decide on that thing tomorrow.
See ya till then.
Beep boop guys. Beep boop.
Idk, i felt like writing that again. It really reminds me so much of team fortress 2. And the awesome videos that are made with the models of that game.
Examples? Hue. Sure thing bro.
I wonder which song the creator took as base for that (wink wink). :3 Btw, props to TheEngiGuy for creating something good.
Something else? Alright.
Like a spy
That one (It’s made by… idk, i guess he’s called STBlackST) covers a parody out there that is pretty popular in the interwebs. You propably know it too. You dont? Use your youtubesearchbar. Do it.
Aaaand there are tons more of these. I used to watch those every day. Its really amazing what people are able to create if they put their mind to it.
I mean, right, you are getting a bit numb in your skull if you are watching that stuff too often, but that isnt necessarily a bad thing. It got its advantages. You can watch a whole season of my little pony without getting a headache! Aint that amazing? :D And that my children is how bronies were created.
Cleaning up is fun. Well, sometimes. Today it is. I kinda forget about all the other stuff while i do that. Weird. I thought a lot about life lately and thats never good when i do that. I always get kinda scared of life then. And well, you never should get scared of that. Life is a challenge, that may be true, but its too fun and enjoyable to waste it with worrying. But well, you cant just turn those thoughts off. There’s no switch. I usually also get totally scared when i think about stuff like ‘the universe could colapse at any second, oh my gawd’. Or something like ‘when i die my whole existence is gone’. The last one blows my mind every time. Ppl will remember for a while propably, yeah, but at some point even the memories will be gone. And than im only one of those humans that died in those thousands of years our race existed. I dont know what i should think about that. And that scares me. Im normally way too young to think about that stuff, but i guess im just scared of life. One more scary thing is, no one out there can help me with that. There are no answers that say ‘yeah you are right’ or ‘nope, you are wrong’. The death cant speak and the living ppl dont know anything about it. The whole thing is even more scary because im a person that thinks way too logical. Im not much of a believer, even though i want to believe in a lot of things. But i always got some doubts about those things inside me for some reason. Weird, i know. There are so many good things to look forward to, but i still cant get all that serious stuff off my mind.
Thats why im cleaning. And propably because im moving out tomorrow, like i already wrote yesterday in one of my blog posts. God i shouldnt be that deep and philosophical. You guys are not reading this text right here to be serious, am i right? So lets change the topic back to the cleaning thingy.
The problem with that is that i got some sort of back problems sometimes because my shoulders are not equaly balanced (atleast it seems like that when i look at myself in a mirror), so it starts to hurt there after a while of doing things. And thats why im writing that blog post right now; gotta wait for dem back to recover a bit.
And man, kinda feels good to write about that stuff. Its a surprisingly nice feeling to talk about all the things you are worried about.
I hope that didnt push your moral down. And if it did, i got you covered.
Look at that amazing cat. LOOK AT IT. Aint that a beauty? (:
Btw, a little something that actually happened a few mins ago in league of legends:
I mean like, wtf. 24 deaths? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Btw, i was that Ziggs there. I dont have the best stats out there, i know that, but i rather play 3/3/13 than dying like 24 times. Jeees.